Is Online Dating Worth It?

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I often get asked about online dating by people wondering if it's a good option for them. Many of our single female friends complain about the scene as an online hook-up market. Well, honestly, going online is not that different from real life dating, it's up to you to establish the boundaries that you are comfortable with. However, to be completely honest, I think online dating is actually better than trying to meet someone in a bar or other pick up place such as the gym, etc.

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It's precisely because of the boundaries that can be imposed online that pushes me to this opinion. What I'm about to say isn't going to be popular to many, but one of the biggest reasons people get into, and stay in, bad relationships is the physical aspect of it. People are loath to admit it, but when you become physically intimate, it clouds judgement and encourages people, especially women, to make bad decisions in relationships that they otherwise might have avoided.

Online dating can allow for another layer of control as you get to know your potential date, but its only as good as the person enforcing it. The first thing that will always come up as soon as someone looks promising is, "When can we meet?" Stop! Put on the breaks for a minute here. You don't know the person, they may or may not be "the" one. Rushing into things can ruin your opportunity, even if they could be the one.

I met my wife online and talked to her for over a year before we spoke face to face. Now, I met her right as I was getting ready to be deployed to Bosnia in the Army so I didn't have a say in the matter. Nevertheless, I learned so much about her, and about myself. We emailed for a few weeks, and then I called her on the phone. We talked for hours that night, and every night until my deployment. I was in New York, she was in Colorado, so meeting was not an option at that time. But, a funny thing happened over those emails and phone calls over the next year. I fell completely in love with her AND I soon realized she was my best friend.

We had exchanged pictures, but in reality, it wouldn't have mattered what she looked like when I finally did return stateside. I loved her heart. Being forced to rely on the intellectual and the emotional and not cheating with the physical aspect of dating created a stronger bond and love between us than I thought possible. Before her, the thought of my girl friend being my best friend was a foreign concept, but now, I realize if you really want a strong marriage, it's a necessity.

I can hear you say, "Hold up now! I'm glad that worked for you, but you can't expect me to do something like that!" I'm not telling you to, I'm only conveying what I learned from my experience. At the minimum I'd suggest not meeting in person until you've at least communicated at a steady rate for over a month or more. Yes I know, its out of the ordinary and most people would never do it. I agree, but how many strong and happy relationships do you see around you? Sadly, not that many.

Why not break the mold and force yourself to invest in your future relationship. I can't promise this will be successful for you, but I can promise you can weed out a lot of non-compatible people at the bare minimum.

Good luck and let me know if you decide to take my advice!




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